When Rebecca Lynn and her then-high school sweetheart made plans to be together forever, they weren’t exactly sure what their future would look like. Their only concern was planning for a bright future together.
Fast forward several years into adulthood and they followed up with a major milestone and married each other. Rebecca became an elementary school teacher, and her husband went into law enforcement.
Their future looked even brighter.
A New Life Challange
Although both Rebecca and her husband understood his hours would be irregular, extended occasionally, and included holidays, they never knew exactly how that impact would be on their family.
Her life became more of a challenge than she expected. She then spent some time looking into resources to find out how other LEO spouses deal with the lifestyle.
But she was displeased with the results.
“I remember when my husband went into law enforcement over 18 years ago and tried to Google resources for law enforcement wives. There was literally nothing except a few negative articles. Years passed and I saw so many wives/gfs struggling with things like parenting while their spouse worked, night shift, communication issues and so much more,” Rebecca told LET.
That was when she decided SHE needed to be the answer to this issue – and that’s how the Proud Police Wife brand was born.
“Proud Police Wife was developed out of seeing a lack of support for law enforcement families. I wanted these spouses and couples to know that not everything about this job has to be negative. With the right tools, they can have successful marriages and be resilient to the impact of the job,” she added.
Since starting Proud Police Wife, Rebecca has homed in on her craft and compiled an impressive list of helpful skills, resources, and tactics the LEO family can use.
“I truly believe that this comes down to perspective and mindset. If we are constantly consuming negativity surrounding this lifestyle and our spouse’s job, then that is what we will always feel. I think we have to be very mindful of who we follow online, what news and media we consume, if we listen to a scanner or constantly check the police department’s social media pages (hello, doomscroll). We have to recognize if these things are triggering to us and if they are then we have to make a change,” Rebecca said.
She continued, “Lastly, and I can’t stress this enough, but have your own routines and hobbies. It will be extremely rare to have the same schedule as your spouse. If you do, great! But if you don’t, then be sure to keep your own routine. You need consistency and people thrive best when establishing a routine.”
Many women who enter a relationship with a police officer may not always consider the long-term lifestyle that goes along with it. By the time the couple go deep into the relationship, they may wonder if they are compatible with each other and the unique LEO lifestyle.
“First, I think it is imperative that we set realistic expectations as couples. These expectations NEED to be discussed, communicated, and agreed upon as a couple. If you haven’t talked about these expectations, then I think it can lead to other problems in the relationship,” she said. “Ask yourself, ‘What is realistic for YOUR relationship?’ Don’t compare yourself to other people’s relationships, past relationships you may have had, or what other people think should be the norm in your relationship.”
Rebecca feels this lifestyle is suited for a certain type of woman and offers additional advice.
“I do think it takes a strong, fairly independent woman to date or be in a relationship with a LEO. We have to be okay with non-traditional schedules. We have to be okay with them working on birthdays, holidays, special events, etc.,” she said. “You have to find creative ways to be together. For example, instead of looking at entire days off together, look at chunks of time. Maybe you have time for a breakfast date instead of a night out with friends. You can stay connected and have a thriving relationship, but it may not look like the traditional ‘9-5-er’ relationship.”
She continued, “Create rituals of connection as a couple. This means, finding small pockets of time to do things as a couple with no work, no heavy talks, and phones put away. Creating these rituals as a couple gives you meaning, something to look forward to, and helps to keep your relationship going and feeling connected despite chaotic schedules and time apart.”
Lastly, and very importantly, know where to draw the line for the sake of your relationship.
“One way to do this is to set boundaries with things like overtime. Yes, a police officer is going to go over their shift time; it happens often. But you can decide as a couple how many extra shifts or details they are going to pick up. Consider your priorities and how overtime impacts the family as a whole. If extra shifts mean constantly losing sleep, a drastic decrease in family time, and stress on the spouse and kids, then you can decide as a couple what boundary to put in place,” she said.
If this sounds familiar, take care of your relationship before it’s too late.
To learn more about Rebecca Lynn and the resources she provides visit https://proudpolicewife.com/ and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
A Message from Trudy Jacobson
“Rebecca stepped up to help the entire law enforcement profession, what a commendable act!”
– Trudy Jacobson
To learn more about Trudy Jacobson and her support of female first responders, veterans, and entrepreneurs, go to www.TrudyJacobson.com
Subscribe to Trudy Jacobson’s YouTube channel to watch the other Great American Warrior interviews at https://www.youtube.com/@trudyjacobsonta
Other Great American Warrior interview articles:
- Dr. Pam Arnell committed her life to helping LEOs, first responders, and veterans with 22Zero.org after observing her late war hero husband recover from post-traumatic stress. Read her story HERE.
- Jessica Owen, who was a recent guest on the Shawn Ryan Show, went from homeless to hero with the nonprofit organization We Fight Monsters. But her story goes far deeper than just homelessness.
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Writer Eddie Molina is a veteran and has over 25 years of combined LEO/military service. He owns and operates the LEO apparel and accessory company www.BuyHeroStuff.com
